Woe is Me
by evil chick
Summary: Same environment different scenario. Typical post Third Impact stuff, not so typical story. Interesting twists here and there. Chapter 4 up. Her heart still beats. R&R please!
1. A Path Chosen By God

I don't own Evangelion in any way and whatnot. Don't think this is a Shinji x Kaworu fic by the way, it's alot more in depth than that. Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks. By the way this takes place after whatever happened at the end of Evangelion, not the movie but the tv series. Lets just think he didn't choose instrumentality and everyone still had their bodies. Yup yup there ya go.

**---- **

**Woe is Me...**

The sky still looked the same. The clouds were still as white as before. I shielded my eyes from the sun peeking through the half opened blinds in my bedroom. Yet another day. Why is it another day? I thought I was happy after it all ended but it proved only to be a faint moment of time. Yes I smiled, and I thanked them all, but we still parted ways and I was left all alone. Why is it another day? I hate my life.

**Story: Woe is Me**

**Chapter 1: Introduction, A Path Chosen By God**

**_Job 10:15:_ If I be wicked, woe unto me; and if I be righteous, yet will I not lift up my head. I am full of confusion; therefore see thou mine affliction.**

It had been exactly five years since I last saw everyone. I stared at my hand. The contours, the shadows they still amazed me. Anything could be done with these hands. These hands have caused murder, pleasure, and have fulfilled all the needs I could ever want. But even with hands, we are all still unhappy. The bus hit a bump and my head thumped against the metal insides of the bus. I cringed and rubbed my head.

This always happens. I relive the same day everyday. I follow a specific schedule and no matter how I try to break it, I simply can't. I've got a job, I've got school, I've got obligations to follow through with. I lifted my head and looked out the window. I glance at figures that pass by too fast to decipher. I moved away from Tokyo-3 as fast as I could. I was going to college like any other Japanese kid should. I had relationships and friendships but they all slipped from these fingertips of mine. Lost jobs, fake friends, and meaningless lovers.

I remembered when I was fourteen, opening and closing my hand, I was determined then but my feelings quickly changed. Not once did my father look my way and I never received kind words from him. I can't forgive him for what he did to mother and then Rei. I missed her. I'll always regret being afraid of her near the end. I avoided her along with everyone else and now I'll never be able to see her again. Who knows what happened to Asuka but she certainly had to had left Japan. The only person that stayed was Misato. My guardian, possibly the loneliest woman I had ever met. And then mother…I needed them all.

"Why am I doing this," I muttered to myself. Because no one told me not to, I told myself. "Asuka, Misato, Rei…Mother…I still need you." Tears dripped from my eyes and I wiped them quickly hoping that no one else in the bus noticed even though it was relatively empty. Suddenly something caught my eye when I glanced outside again. Gray hair, white skin, red eyes and that wide smile. The bus still moved too fast so I didn't know if I was going crazy or not. "Kaoru?" My heart beat quickly. He was like Rei. That must mean… I stood up quickly and oddly enough we had just arrived at a bus stop. I stumbled a little when the bus stopped but I gained my balance immediately and ran out the small opening of the bus at the objection of the driver.

I looked through a crowd of unknown faces, desperately searching for the one I recognized all too well. It was to no avail but something was still pulling me to keep on walking in the direction I had seen him. I pondered why I was searching for him. Was I that lonely? Was I that desperate for some small bit of hope?

Kaoru Nagisa, the first person who ever understood me and also the last. My memories of him were as fresh as ever, the conversations, absolutely everything. He had told me "I love you". Three words I had never heard in my life. I found myself running as fast as I could and sure enough I saw him. I nearly skidded on the pavement. He stared at me and smiled even wider. I stood there frozen but he abruptly turned away and went down the stairs to the train station. I didn't ask any questions and followed him.

I had to dodge all the oncoming people while trying to see where Kaoru would lead me to next. I caught a glimpse of him walking into the train. Suddenly a gruff voice called for my attention. I turned to see that the voice was coming from the booth. "Excuse me sir! You need to pay for a ticket."

"Uhh which train is going to leave right now?"

Some kid started crying behind me so I couldn't hear what he said but I didn't have enough time to ask. I just handed him some money and he gave me a ticket. I shuffled to the train and to my surprise; it was relatively empty except for a pregnant woman and a couple of businessmen. I clutched onto the strap of my backpack. Where was Kaoru? Did I get into the wrong train? I swore that this was the right one, I thought to myself. The door closed behind me startling me. There was a voice on the intercom, "Now departing to Tokyo-3."


	2. A Gentle Push

**Story: Woe is Me**

**Chapter 1: A Gentle Push,**

**Harboring Penitence**

"Honey why don't you go get the cereal," Asuka told her handsome yet meek looking husband. He followed her orders and went over to that aisle. She pushed the cart with a look of boredom on her face. She didn't feel like she was in a good mood. She had left Japan as fast as she could, went to America, found a hot boyfriend and then got knocked up. Her baby sat at the front of her cart and cooed happily. Asuka smiled. "Oh my you look exactly like your mama." She pinched his cheek and he smiled even more. Oddly enough she didn't regret any of this except for one thing. Her baby somehow noticed how sad she looked and his small mouth lost its smile. "Don't worry honey! Mama just gets sad sometimes."

"Okay so what do you want? Will it be Coco Puffs or Fruit Loops?" He held both boxes in his hand with a dorky look on his face.

"Umm well they're both okay."

"Cool then, so where next?"

"Well we need to get some baby food…" Asuka nuzzled her baby, "For our little Shin-chan!"

* * *

Asuka laid on her sofa breathing heavily with a tired look on her face. A billion thoughts ran through her head. Everyday felt the same. Her husband was as boring as ever. He had long brown hair and she begged for him to have a scruff face but no matter what he wasn't anything like her childhood crush. He followed her every whim and worshipped her like a goddess. Why should he? She was of no worth what so ever. Asuka felt the tears begin to form in her light blue eyes as she leaned her head against her hand. She had spent five years desperately trying to find happiness. The only thing she did right was give birth to her son. He may have been an accident of a teenager barely reaching adulthood but he was no mistake. A faint smile appeared on her lips.

The front door opened," Hey babe." Her husband closed the door behind him.

"Hey you know I don't like it when you call me that!"

"He loosened his tie and smiled at her. "It sounds way too derogatory right?"

Asuka smirked back; he did indeed amuse her every now and then though. "Well was work for you as horrible as it was for me?"

"Nah it was ok I guess. A lot of people came to the bank today, it was ridiculous."

"See any beautiful girls there," Asuka stood up with an amused look on her face.

Of course not! Are you crazy? No one can compare to the famous Asuka Langley Soryu," he pulled her towards him and embraced her.

"That stuff is for grown-ups," Misato said in the back of her head. We were just kids playing house. Nothing was mature about us at all.

* * *

"Daniel I'm pregnant," Asuka placed her hands on her stomach as if she was trying feel for a bump already. Those words were so hard to come out but out of a whim she still managed to say them.

"What? Why? I thought you were on the…" he retorted as he paced back and forth.

"No I forgot to take them for a couple of days."

"How could you forget," he screamed forcing Asuka to step further away from him.

"I was just busy with my job it's not only my fault."

"Oh please don't blame me for your mistakes!"

This was the last thing she would have expected from him considering he was usually so soft spoken. "Whatever, that's not what matters now. So what are we gonna do with IT." She pointed to her stomach.

"Well, you are gonna have the baby right," Asuka lifted her eyes to meet with his. There was a faint hint of hope in his dark eyes. He hardly ever fought back, until now.

"I-I honestly don't know."

"You should have to have the baby," he placed his hands on her shoulders, "There shouldn't be any other choice."

"We're only kids Daniel," she felt her face feel hotter and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing out of her eyes.

"But that baby is ours…"

"We're nothing but kids playing house," she mumbled as she clutched onto the sheets of their bed. Daniel slumbered next to her. Suddenly the baby started crying startling Asuka a bit.

"Honey the baby's crying," he muttered and brushed his hand against her arm. Asuka sniffled a bit and pulled one of the sheets to cover her body as she got off of the bed.

* * *

"I honestly never thought I would be this miserable," Asuka grasped onto the telephone. "I've gotta get out of here."

"What happened to the Asuka I used to know? I never remembered you ever being this sad."

"Yea I was, I was just really good at hiding it."

"Oh…"

"I don't know how it happened but I thought of you. I just really wanted to talk to you, Misato."

"Heh, I've missed you kids. It's pretty lonely here. But honestly…"

"Yeah?"

"I never thought you of all people would ever call me."

* * *

A boy with silver hair and red eyes grinned at Asuka but it wasn't an empty smile. It was warming and inviting. Asuka recognized him but not in reality but as if he was familiar to her in her dreams. "Hello, you must be one of the lilum that Shinji thought about.

"What?" Asuka felt almost naked to his start but when she looked down it turns out she was.

"Red hair, blue eyes and the body of an athlete yet your heart is as brittle as Shinji's."

"Who are you? Are you an angel?"

"Yes I am," he paused and overlooked her again.

She stared back at him in awe. "Why aren't you trying to kill me then?"

"The angels never wanted to kill the lilum, we only wanted to become one with adam."

Asuka didn't understand a thing he was saying but didn't bother to ask. "You didn't tell me what your name was."

"I'm Kaoru of the seashore, but that's not what matters right now."

"Then what does?" Asuka lowered her head and crossed her arms.

"Shinji needs you as much as you need him."

"What?"

"You know of the person I speak of." His eyes looked somewhat sorrowful and his long smile faded away.

"My son?"

"No, the boy you left behind. He screams your name at night and dreams of you during the day." This conversation seemed to be bothering the angel greatly and Asuka noticed.

She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head slightly, "What's wrong?"

"If I had a physical state I would be by his side. But sadly I don't…" Kaoru lowered his head and took a deep breath. "I want him to find his happiness. I don't know who else he could love more than you."

"No that can't be. I have a husband and kid to take care of…what do you mean by physical state?"

"I am like Rei, there was many of us but only one of me."

"That makes no sense."

"There were copies but they were destroyed and now my soul has nowhere to inhabit. That's why you must return to Tokyo-3"

"No can't you see I can't!"

"But you still want to don't you?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay so I kind of got sick of that who first person thing, I just wasn't used to it. Hope you enjoyed the fic so far. I know it's a different direction than I usually take but I'm actually pretty satisfied with it. Please review this so I could tell what you guys think. Stick around for the next chapter, thanks.**


	3. Please, Don't Wince

Yea this took forever, but with classes, work and all, usually by the time I get home I'm pooped. :( Hope you like this chapter. I'm back to the first person point of view. Thanks for the advice Hououza! It's much appreciated. Also thanks for the reviews you people. Here we go. 

* * *

**  
Chapter 3: Please, Don't Wince**

**More than Intimacy**

I walked out of the train and I was greeted with nothing but the gray pavement. Everyone had left the train first. I admit I was a little reluctant to get out of the train but I had no choice. On the ride over there I had finally decided that if it was Kaoru's whim, I could at least respect it. I looked around. Everything had looked the same as I had left it five years ago. On the day I left I had run away again with no intent of coming back but I was back on the same path I had tried desperately tried to fight. I wasn't really surprised. This had happened previous times.

No one was waiting for me but I wasn't surprised. I walked down the stairs and looked at the green payphone. Sadly Rei wasn't staring back at me. What could have happened to her? No use thinking about something I could never know, I thought to myself and just looked around again.

The town was as empty as before. I stopped and sat down on one of the stairs. I kind of wished that Misato would show up in her sports car, abruptly push the door open and scream at me to get in. I felt a smile appear on my lips. I wanted to see her. I desperately needed to see something more than the familiar surroundings around me. I wanted someone to talk to, someone that would talk back. I decided that I wanted to go see her. She was the only person that actually stuck around or at least that's the last that I heard of her.

I was a little scared to go back to that condo. I had never called her even though I had promised to do so. The funny thing is that she never had a problem calling me but I was too scared to answer her calls. At first she called every now and then but she steadily started calling more and more. I guess she was worried but then I just couldn't stand it. With each phone call I could feel my heart beat harder and harder. I changed my number and my days and nights were quiet again. I then grew sick of that. It hurt me so badly knowing what I had done to her. I had completely cut off, who knew what she would say to me when I'd see her.

Although I was hesitant I still willed my legs to move to that familiar place. I knew my way around like the back of my hand and before I knew it I had traversed the long isolated streets, ridden the elevator ride and walked down the hallway dressed with doors of unfamiliar people that I had never met. And at the end was the room.

_"You have a house or a home to go to. That fact makes you happy. That's nice"_

"Oh God I'm such an idiot," I muttered to myself.

Suddenly the door opened and there she was. I wasn't exactly surprised by what I saw. She practically wearing the exact same thing that she had on the last time I had seen her. There was a surprised look on her still youthful looking face. Her brown eyes widened as she looked over me. Honestly I hadn't though I had changed too much but apparently I had from how long it had taken her to recognize me. "Shin-chan," she exclaimed happily.

"Hey Misato," I said anxiously. I grew stiff as she embraced me so she let go quickly.

"Kid why have you been gone so long?"

"I dunno," I didn't exactly have an answer. Well maybe I did but it was somewhere hidden in the darkest corner of my mind. I didn't remember her being shorter than me but when she looked up at me with her huge eyes, I couldn't help blushing. She appeared a little angry though.

"You could have called," those were the exact words I was trying to avoid. And yet again I was left with no words to say, no excuses what so ever. "You could have visited!" I looked at her dumbfounded like the idiot I was. Suddenly she looked over me again and giggled. "Oh my you must be a heartbreaker!"

"Ha ha no! What makes you think that," I scratched my head nervously.

"The way you ignored my calls," she gave me a stone cold glare.

I was instantly frightened. What a clever trap, I thought. I felt my throat tighten up. "Well…"

"No use explaining. You'll just try to lie your way out of it. You've already reached that age. Come on in," she turned and left the door open. I stared down at the exact place I had stepped over when I had first come here.

"Welcome home" 

"What's wrong," Misato stared at me through the opening. "Are you having flashbacks? I said you could come in."

I closed my eyes and walked down the same hall I had walked down before. I had almost expected Asuka to come out from one of the rooms and scold me for not coming home early enough to make her dinner. I laughed quietly. I sure missed her a lot. Everything around the house looked like it needed a good cleaning. There were beer cans everywhere and there was even hard liquor on the kitchen table. I was beginning to get worried. "So how's life treating you?" I stammered a little.

"Umm well," it seemed like Misato was getting uncomfortable, "It's been okay." I saw at the corner of my eye her tucking away some letters that I could only assumer were bills. "I've been job searching again. Its kind of hard cause I don't really have any job skills except planning combats against the Angels."

"Oh," it hurt to see Misato in this state especially when she tries to crack a joke about it. "You lost your job?"

"Heh well," she paused and then quickly changed the subject. "How's college life treating you? You should be nineteen by now right?"

"Yup," I smiled and looked around the corner expecting to see Pen-pen. Sure enough I saw him peeking around the corner back at me.

"You've grown A LOT," Misato giggled as her hand traced the shape of my shoulders and then to my arms. For some reason I was squeamish and I pulled away from her. She looked hurt from my reaction. I could almost see it in her eyes. She quickly turned away from me. "You got a girlfriend?"

"Umm no." These questions kept on startling me.

"Have you ever had one yet?"

"Not really any worth mentioning."

"Are you a virgin?"

"Umm well," I pulled at my collar nervously.

She over looked me, "From your reaction I'd say you're not."

"There's been some girls at school," I almost broke down as I told her. It was nothing at all, just meaningless physical interactions. It was nothing but primitive actions. I was no better than anyone. I was tainted. I felt a horrible feeling in my gut. My body wasn't of a child's but my mind was filled with nothing but childish urges. I lifted my head to meet her gaze. I expected to see anger in her eyes but instead I saw sadness.

"Why won't you let ME touch you," she said softly. I didn't answer. "Why didn't you answer my phone calls? Did you only come to me because Asuka and Rei aren't in town?"

"No it's not like that."

"Shin-chan, I was worried. You know that day that you left, I cried all night. I mean when Asuka left it was to be expected, but you?" I saw her eyes begin to get glossy and her nose was turning a light pink. "I thought we were a family."

A billion thoughts ran through my head but only one managed to slip though my lips. "I'll stay with you." I was a little stunned by what I said but I chose to stick with my words from the guilt I had been feeling.

"Are you crazy? Don't you have another life at college?"

"Yeah but I could take a break, at least for this weekend. I could call in sick at my job."

Misato smiled earnestly. "That'd be great." She almost glowed from excitement.

"Really?" I didn't know it was really that easy to please her.

"Yes you have made me really happy," she giggled. "Now am I allowed to get a real hug out of you?" Despite her words, she didn't give me much of a choice and she held me close to her. I tried my best to ease into her embrace, it was the most I could do. I heard a sigh escape her lips softly. My muscles grew less tense and I buried my head in her shoulder. All I needed to do was let go, at least for this moment. 

* * *

I didn't know how it led to this but I was stuck at a bar counter eating olives for dinner. Misato happily sang along to some song by some idol whose name I forgot. People were on the dance floor with their bodies moving rhythmically to the beat of the bass. Neither of us wanted to dance, we just watched. Misato seemed rather content with that as she sipped away at her martini. She turned to me looking surprised that I had been watching her but she smiled. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Oh its nothing," I turned my attention back towards the dancers.

"You know I'm surprised that this dress still fits me." I glanced at the fitting of her dress but quickly looked away again. It wasn't exactly moral to look at my once guardian like that. Her flirting was just in her nature so I quickly brushed it off. "I'm thirty-four years old. When I was younger I was expecting that at this age everything would already be dangling!"

"Misato," I screamed. "Don't say things like that!"

"Why," she leaned her head against her hand. "Is it so bad to say the truth?" She was already a little tipsy. I could see the glazed look in her eyes.

"As far as I could see, nothing was dangling," I said angrily.

"Hee hee! So why are you looking little boy," she sneered.

The remark angered me so much and my face turned a bright red, I could feel the heat rising to my ears. "You need to stop drinking!!" I looked around her shoulder, "One-two-three-TEN martinis!!!" I hadn't noticed earlier how much she was drinking. "Don't you know the meaning of moderation?"

"Nope. No I don't," she looked away. "Relax a little. Get something to drink."

"I can't, I'm still underage." I think I was in need of a good drink at this moment.

"Well you don't look it," she snickered, "because Mr. Shinji Ikari is already a man! Ritsu can't bitch about you staying over at my house anymore!!"

"Ritsuko?"

"They say she killed herself. Killed herself, my ass!!"

"Oh," I wanted to ask more about the whereabouts of everyone else but this conversation had taken a somber tone.

"Here you can have some of my drink. No ones looking." I stared at the half empty glass and then out of a whim guzzled it down. "Tastes good doesn't it?" 

* * *

I lifted my head wearily. There was nothing but darkness in the small room. I turned to see Kaoru staring at me on the bed while I slept on the floor. He looked at me intently with a hint of something more but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But still I felt a calm feeling every time I looked at him. Unwillingly I would spill my guts to him but he would just smile and say a few kind words. "What are you doing Shinji?" 

"What do you mean," I stared back at him with my eyes widened.

"You know what I'm talking about," he chuckled.

I turned away from him and clutched onto the sheets. "I'm okay sleeping on the floor."

"No not that…" he said calmly. "Why did you leave your home?"

"Cause being there made me think of everything I lost and all the horrible things I had done. Asuka left without saying a word to me. She was better when she was comatose," I calmed myself down, "No that's a lie…but I really thought there was something—no never mind."

"That something was there," he looked a little sad when I said this but I still went on.

"She was the only person, on my level but she hated me. She hated everything about me."

Kaoru looked like he was going to say something but he clearly held it back.

"I don't know where Ayanami is and Misato…well I was nothing but a child. Toji was hurt and then everyone else moved away. But the worst part…"

"What?" he asked.

"Was killing you," I almost whispered it but Kaoru heard me clearly.

"You know sometimes you just make me laugh," he grinned leaving me confused.

"Why?" I sat up feeling a mixture of emotions at once. "You shouldn't have been the one to die! You are so much better than me!"

"Calm down Shinji," he paused and then laughed again. "I don't see you still think that," he sat up and looked over my thin sheets that were supposed to serve as a bed. "I'm still alive and well!" He slowly found my hand and intertwined his long pale fingers with mine. I could feel the warmth of his flesh against mine, and his crimson stare. This look of his was too intense but when he slowly blinked, a feeling of calamity rushed over me. He guided my hand and placed it on my chest. He lingered a bit and smiled wider, "I could feel your heart beating," then he put my hand on his chest, "and you could feel mine." I was overcome with relief that I had no words of thanks. "Is this what you wanted Shinji?"

I nodded, the look on my face said it all. He simply returned the gesture, brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Do you feel closure?"

"No I want—" 

* * *

I was jilted from the dream to find myself asleep on the floor of Misato's apartment. The carpet felt soft but still wasn't exactly comfortable. I looked to my side to see Misato was also asleep on the floor with a table separating us. She tossed and turned only to hit her head on one of the table's legs. She slowly opened her eyes and screamed. I jumped a little and cradled my head in my hand. "Are you ok," I looked over her and she waved her hand as a sign of her being okay. 

"What happened last night," she sat up and fixed her rather tight party dress.

"You got extremely drunk and I brought you home by foot," I frowned as I imagine the almost never-ending amount of streetlights I had passed on my way to the condo.

"Oh," something was strange about her tone of voice so I decided to lighten the mood.

"It was funny cause I had to give you a piggy back ride. You were saying that I was scruffy or something," I awkwardly laughed to myself. "Well I DO need to shave." I opened my eyes and noticed that she wasn't laughing. Here eyes looked saddened like her head was somewhere else. "What's wrong?" I hoped I didn't offend her in any way.

"We didn't kiss right?"

"What?" I was taken aback by this sudden question.

"Please say we didn't!" She lowered her head looking even more vulnerable than ever.

_She was so drunk when she fell into my arms. I had felt a little dizzy myself but I had more ground than her. She just smiled. A smile that was so sad, yet so beautiful at the same time. I was sick of her putting herself down so much. She was such a lonely vulnerable woman. Her hand gently touched my face as she stared directly into my eyes. She slurred some words. She said I was scruffy. I couldn't help but smiling. She placed her arms around me, tippy-toed and we kissed.  
_

"No—no we didn't." 

* * *

Woah that was intense! I couldn't just help feeling that Kaoru was kind of acting like Rem from Trigun. Ha ha but it was all in good fun. Hope you liked it, maybe the ending was a little surprising…maybe not. I'm sure it made it interesting. Please review me! I desperately need some criticism. I love that stuff and even if its not, tell me what you think about it! Much love! 


	4. Introduction, A Chance Meeting

Well sorry I'm taking so long with the updates but now that I have a week break from school I can actually put some time into this. This is only an introduction to the new arc of this story.

* * *

Emptiness…

Sadness…

Loneliness…

These are just words that I've browsed in the dictionary and programmed into my memory. These are the words that have defined my whole being, my whole fragmented life. I sat on a cheap folding chair in the middle of the stage like everyone else had. I haven't learned anything new. I have only reviewed my past. My pale skin, my dark red eyes and these slender hands of mine, this is what defines me as me. This is what separates me from the others. They call me a doll, but I refuse to just be that.

But I still live. My purpose was served, yet he still keeps me by his side. I wasn't discarded by him. Maybe he seeks my companionship as a way to still have a long gone memory within his grasp. He still tries to touch me, to say soft words to me but I don't respond. He will always be met with a stone cold glare. My red eyes meet with his. He is uneasy every time, feeling rejected. I can see it in his eyes when he looks away. He must be as lonely as me. But I have no remorse. I simply wished to return to nothingness but he won't let me. I don't belong to him; I don't belong to anyone but myself.

"_The moon is not only beautiful  
It is so far away  
The moon is not only ice cold  
It is here to stay_

_When I lay me down  
Will you still be around  
When they put me six feet underground  
Will the big bad beautiful you be around_

_Everyone says they know you  
Better than you know who  
Everyone says they own you  
More than you do_

_When I lay me down  
Will you still be around  
When they put you six feet underground  
Will the big bad beautiful moon be around_

_Cause the moon is not only beautiful  
It is so far away  
The moon is not only ice cold  
It is here to stay_

_Everyone says they know you  
Better than you know who  
Everyone says they own you  
More than you do"_

_-__The Moon__ by Cat Power_

**Chapter 4: Introduction, A Chance Meeting**

**Her heart still beats…**

As I stood in the garden of a local park I kept an eye on a red-haired girl. Running back and forth like a chicken with its head cut off. I couldn't exactly define what I felt for her. I looked at her with interest. While I felt this queasy feeling at the pit of my stomach, I still was curious. To see her with another man and carrying a child in her hands was in fact a surprising sight. I didn't expect to be in this sort of situation but after much speculation I knew who it was.

"You're nothing but a doll" She screamed as she slapped me. I felt the sting but I couldn't flinch. I only offered words of advice. Maybe it was possibly an attempt to reach out to her. I didn't know. I looked back down at my hands clutching onto a rose that I had taken from the garden. Somehow she managed to do what I couldn't. If someone looked at her, you couldn't see the pilot that I remembered during our brief time working together. I lifted my head again. They appeared to be a family cut out from a storybook tale. There was a slight sting in my chest.

I wished it wouldn't be like this. I wanted to be her. She has the whole world within her grasp and there was nothing left for me. Nothing had changed, I wasn't a pilot anymore. I wasn't anything. Something was missing in me. There was space that was meant to be filled but there was nothing to occupy it. I longed to say words that I imagined that she would mutter. Words that I couldn't visualize saying, I wanted to hold hands, to smile. Affection…yet another word that I've read in the dictionary.

I was so lost in thought that when I looked again, they weren't there.

* * *

Don't worry I know this is short but in a couple of days I'll have a REALLY long chapter up. Believe me I'm hard at work. Please review, I feel I got Rei's personality not quite on key. Tell me what you think please. Thanks for reading.


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